


Love's What You Deserve

by Itsthecolorsyouhave



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Established Relationship, M/M, kind of but not really, zukka - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:14:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29506044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itsthecolorsyouhave/pseuds/Itsthecolorsyouhave
Summary: "I just think if I spent so much of my life feeling alienated and alone and kind of… irredeemable, then maybe that’s how Azula feels, too. Maybe she’s just as scared and alone as I was. Except she didn’t have someone like Uncle,” he pauses, looking up at Sokka, “she didn’t have someone like you.”or:Zuko and Sokka lay in bed and talk about stuff.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	Love's What You Deserve

“Do you remember what it was like being a kid?” Zuko asks one night as he and Sokka are lying in bed together.

“Sure, I think a lot of it can be quantified by the number of snowballs Katara threw at my head. Or the number of times she froze my feet to the ground. The number of times she and Gran Gran yelled at me about the dishes…”

“I feel like you probably deserved all of that.”

“Oh, I definitely did.” Sokka grins, soft and carefree, shifting further down on the bed. Zuko huffs and takes the movement as an opportunity to slot himself against the other man, resting his head on his shoulder, his hand on his chest.

“But, no, I meant… Do you remember how it felt? When you were a kid?”

It's not often that Zuko willingly brings up his childhood. Most of the information his friends have about his youth came from second hand stories and good old fashioned inference. If he shares anything at all, it’s usually about his mother or, very rarely, Azula.

Years ago, Zuko made a very conscious decision to focus on his future rather than dwell in the past. He spent too many years making mistakes and hurting the people he loves. Now, the only thing he wants is to let go and move forward. Unfortunately, the skeletons in his closet still scratch at the door. Sometimes quiet. Sometimes not.

Regardless, Sokka is always there. Even before they were together, Sokka had a sixth sense for knowing when Zuko was feeling moody and introspective. He would be drawn like a homing beacon to the turtleduck pond where Zuko liked to think, fully equipped with a joke, and, on more than one occasion, a skewer of meat.

Sokka always knew whether he needed to be talked through something, talked out of something, or if he simply needed some company while Zuko worked out whatever it was that made his heart hurt.

Even after Sokka’s jokes turned into tentative hand holding and the quiet company turned into soft kisses, Zuko only shared as much as he felt he could. The last thing he wanted was to ruin this new, fragile relationship by opening his mouth. A not so insignificant part of him also believed that this new proximity to Sokka, alone, would be able to alleviate some of what weighed him down.

Zuko had fire in his veins, but Sokka was made of light. Being around him made everything a little bit easier. Like, Zuko could actually find his place in the world, rather than be crushed under the weight of it. So he kept the hurt and the fear and the brokenness to himself.

It wasn’t until Sokka let Zuko see everything that he was carrying that Zuko began to reconsider. Sokka was the bravest person he knew, but he still needed help when the pain in his knee became too much. Sharing the weight wasn’t a weakness. Maybe being vulnerable around the people who love you takes strength.

Zuko was ready to be strong.

Sokka hums in response as he begins weaving his fingers through Zuko’s hair, brushing it behind his ear. Zuko takes his silence as encouragement to keep talking.

“I guess when I think back to being a kid… I just remember being so scared all the time. Especially after mom. When it was just me and Azula and Ozai.” Zuko breaks off, fingers idly drawing patterns into the exposed skin of Sokka’s chest as the tribesman slowly drops a kiss to the top of his head.

“I felt like there was something wrong with me. My father always reminded me that I was lucky to be born. I spent a long time wondering if it would have been better if I was never born at all.” 

Sokka pulls Zuko even closer, one arm wrapped around his back, the other in Zuko’s hair, cupping the back of his head. Here, wrapped around the boy he loves too much for words, Zuko feels the safest he’s ever been.

“I know better, now. The son my father always wanted was never the man I wanted to be. I just wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much time trying to be that person. All those years in the palace and then at sea after I was banished. I would have done anything for my father’s approval.” 

Sokka’s thumb moves to Zuko’s eyebrow to smooth out the crease there.

“I think that’s what all kids want,” Sokka replies, his voice gentle and searching, “I know when my dad left. I felt gutted. Like, here I was this close to becoming a man and all my dad saw was a kid. And then he and all the other men got on a ship and left.

“It’s not the same, I know it’s not the same… but that hurt stays. The fear that I would never see either of my parents again… the fear of what would happen if the Fire Navy tried to come back for Katara. I could have lost everyone. So, yeah, I can understand what it's like to feel alone. I know what it's like to be afraid.”

Zuko tilts his head up and blue eyes meet gold as he pulls Sokka in for a kiss. There’s no real heat behind it, but it says everything he intends for it to. It says, I love you, I trust you, I know you. Zuko pulls back and pushes Sokka’s hair out of his face, leaving his hand on his cheek.

“But you know,” Sokka starts, conspiratorially, “A wise man once told me that, ‘as long as you stand straight, you should not fear a crooked shadow.’”

Zuko groans, pushing Sokka’s face away and covering it with a pillow, “I am once again asking for you to stop hanging out with my uncle.”

“Our uncle.” Sokka replies, muffled.

With a laugh, Zuko removes the pillow and resettles in Sokka’s arms. Sokka’s heart beats steady and strong. Zuko loses himself in the rhythm of it.

“I guess I just brought it up because… I think if I spent so much of my life feeling alienated and alone and kind of… irredeemable, then maybe that’s how Azula feels, too. Maybe she’s just as scared and alone as I was. Except she didn’t have someone like Uncle,” he pauses, looking up at Sokka, “she didn’t have someone like you.”

“You know that I’ll always support you in whatever decision you make, but I feel like Azula might fall a little closer to ‘psychopathic’ than ‘scared and alone’ if we're measuring on a sliding scale.”

Zuko closes his eyes and presses his nose into Sokka’s side, frowning.

“Trust me, I know. One of my earliest memories is of her pushing me off a roof. I don’t even know how we got on the roof! I have the scar to remind me how I got down, though.” Zuko said, lifting his elbow to reveal the tiny white scar there. This one pales in comparison to the others he’s received from his family.

“You’re not doing a great job of selling this whole ‘we should do more to help Azula’ thing, your highness.”

“I know. I guess I just wonder who I’d be if Ozai was all I had. If my father favored me over Azula would our roles be reversed? Would she be where I am?”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Sokka replied, sympathetic and sweet, “she’s not my type.”

Zuko barked a laugh, annoyed and completely in love with the man next to him.

“Seriously,” he said, sobering, “I couldn’t have done it alone. I still struggle every day with making the right decisions. I’m always worried that I’ll choose the wrong thing or pick the wrong side. It’s not fair of anyone to expect her to do it all by herself.”

Making a case for Azula is always difficult. Ozai was manipulative and cruel, but Azula thrived as his right hand. She had always done everything he’d asked and more, with a level of certainty that even the most hardened war generals lacked. It never made any sense to Zuko how such a young, bright girl could have such a bloodthirsty smile. 

Sokka sighed deeply before responding, “For the record, I will always trust your judgment. Ever since the day of black sun, you’ve proven yourself a hundred times over. You helped Aang, you helped me, you even saved Katara’s life. Albeit, from Azula and while nearly getting yourself killed in the process, but… at the end of the day, you care. About everyone. You’re a really good person, Zuko.”

Zuko can feel his eyes turn glassy and wills his tears to remain unshed.

“But I can’t say the same about your sister. She’s hurt you so many times and you still want to forgive her. Have a relationship with her. And, listen, if that makes you happy, I want that for you, Zuko, really, I do. I just don’t want you to set your expectations too high. You can’t blame yourself if it doesn’t work out. You can’t help people who aren’t ready to be helped.” He pauses, as though he were choosing his next words carefully, “And Azula might never be ready.”

He’s always known it would be a longshot with Azula. Her past will always be a part of her, and ultimately it’s her decision how much of it she brings into her future. But, Zuko, for his part, can be there for her when she decides. 

“I know,” he replies after a long moment. 

He’s still draped around Sokka, happy and content despite the heartbreak he has for his sister. She deserves to have this. At least, someday. Someone she can talk to about her past as they hold her through it. Free of judgment, and full of love. Nobody prospers in isolation. And none of Ozai’s children made it out unscathed. Whenever Azula is ready, Zuko will be, too.

“Hey,” Sokka says, settling down further to usurp Zuko’s position as the little spoon, “I love you.”

Zuko smiles as Sokka threads his arms around his waist, “I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr! 
> 
> https://highchiefkatara.tumblr.com/


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